Four.

Ruby.

What to say about this last year of Ruby's life?

So much growth. Not physically so much, but mentally. At 3, she was already talking a lot. But little did I know that "talking a lot" really meant nothing as compared to the latter part of her third year. Now she uses words like "concerned", "mistaken", "concentrate", and "disappointed". Not to mention the sheer volume of words spoken. Whereas once we could drive in the car in silence, thus no more. She needs to know EVERYTHING. And then once she knows everything, then she needs to know WHY everything is that way. I used to be so diligent about answering her questions with a thought out answer because, duh, that's how kids learn and I would NEVER have wanted to deprive my child of learning. But sometimes when the question comes up of, "Where's heaven?" I just say, "Far." Because I'm tired.

Ruby's personality has always shone brightly but this year it has shone even brighter. She is a character. She is great at impersonating and a pretty hilarious British accent seems to be developing thanks to some extremely fancy tea parties. I think she would be a great child actor if it wasn't for the fact that she would never actually follow direction. When she wants to, she puts on quite a show.

Ruby loves to dance and dance she does. Every day. She dances with all her might, using every bit of expression she has. She has great musicality - she dances to each song so differently; she seems to understand what each one should look like. There are not too many things I enjoy doing more than watching her dance. It is a picture of beauty.

This year has also seen some challenges. Parenting is not always the easiest thing (okay, it's NEVER the easiest thing) and more days than I care to admit, I have fallen into bed feeling like a complete failure. What am I doing wrong??? Why doesn't she listen???? This 4th birthday has felt a bit like a 40th birthday for me. One of those landmark birthdays but instead of me feeling over the hill or something, I have looked at her and thought, "Four seems so much older than 3. Three is still a baby but 4 is a girl. Have I done anything right????" I feel like 4 is the beginning of the end; the beginning of her starting school, meeting friends I haven't met, growing up too quickly......

If you look up "cautious" in the dictionary, Ruby's picture is there beside it. Pinky promise. She is extremely cautious in everything she does. It's hard sometimes. I am embarrassed to say but it was pretty much this summer that she first decided to slide down a slide. And she still will not go down any sort of water slide, no matter the length or the incentive. But sometimes I really don't mind this quality. It breeds trust between us. I know that she'll stay close in stores, she won't talk to strangers and she won't jump off any dangerous cliffs. There's a certain amount of comfort in that.

But I think the best characteristic I see in Ruby is her huge heart of compassion. From a young age, when Ruby would hear a child crying in a store or at the playground or wherever, her ears immediately perked up. "Why are they crying?", she would ask. And since having Greta, I have seen that heart grow bigger. The first two weeks of Greta's life, Ruby would run into her room and hide every time she heard Greta cry. And now whenever Greta gets hurt, she runs immediately to her room still - but this time to grab Greta's favourite blankie and one of her own favourite stuffed animals to comfort her.

One day it was me who was crying and Chris was home and he just closed our bedroom door so that he and I could talk about things a bit. As soon as that door closed, Ruby started crying and calling out "Mommy! Mommy!" Which only made me cry more seeing how much it affected her witnessing that. And then when that door opened, Ruby was ready with Kleenex in hand, waiting to comfort me. And comfort me it did.

I know I've said it before but it bears repeating: Ruby is a gem. Definitely a gem in the rough, though. There are a few corners that need smoothing but she is a beautifully, shiny, Ruby. Happy Birthday, Love. I love you.